selles: why do you think that?

Me: I don't know.....because i've never had anyone like you?

selles: i guess. but aurie, you DO deserve me

Me: Maybe you just deserve better than me

selles: there isn't any better for me

Me: There probably is

selles: i'm not interested in anyone else

Me: They're interested in YOU

selles: I'M interested in YOU

Me: I'm not perfect

selles: you're perfect for me

Me: I'm arrogant

selles: so am i

Me: I'm conceited

selles: are not

Me: Are so

selles: aurie?

Me: Hmm?

selles: I love you lots. trust me, you deserve me.

Me: Are you sure?

selles: as sure as i can be

Me: I'm bitchy

Selles: what are you trying to say?

Me: You've never encountered my negative side

selles: you haven't encountered mine either

Me: True

selles: aurie, are you worried?

Me: Worried about what?

selles: i don't know, but it's sounding like you aren't sure of yourself

Me: Okay, i'm not

selles: awww, how come?

Me: I don't know

Me: Well, okay, i do know

selles: ummm?

Me: Mostly because i've never had anyone like you and i don't want it to end up screwey, so i'm giving you every single excuse to leave before i become immensly attached.

selles: aurie, i'm already attached

Me: Are you?

selles: seems like it

Me: I know. But you can still leave

selles: no i can't

Me: Yes, you can

selles: i'd be stupid if i did

Me: How would you be stupid?

selles: maybe you have no idea how much you mean to me

Me: How much?

selles: ALOT

Me: And that's how much you mean to me

selles: i don't want anyone else but you

Me: Selles, i'm just giving you the chance to step away from this, as it is, at any time

selles: i don't really know what to say

Me: You don't have to say anything. I'm just telling you

selles: i'm shocked that you think i'd want to

Me: No, it's not that i think it at all

Me: I'm just making it known that you CAN

selles: i always knew i could. i don't want to though.

selles: i really want you

Me: I know

Me: I just don't want you to feel like you're tied down to me. Especially since i live so far away. And you should have someone who lives closer.

selles: please don't do this

Me: Do what?

selles: it feels like you're trying to convince me to stop

Me: I'm not.

Me: Really, i'm not

Me: I want you SO badly

Me: But i don't want to be selfish with you

selles: i want you too aurie, you aren't being selfish

Me: I love you

selles: I love you too

Me: And i already told you i'm kind of scared, didn't i?

selles: of me hurting you

Me: That

Me: But not so much as i've never been attached to anyone

Me: And i don't know really what to do

selles: if you're having second thoughts about it just tell me

Me: Do you honestly think i'm having second thoughts?

selles: yeah

selles: it kinda scared me actually

Me: Why did you think i was having second thoughts, and how did it scare you?

selles: it seemed like you were trying to convince me that you aren't as good as i think you are

Me: So?

selles: why would you want to change my mind about that?

Me: I'm giving you an excuse to leave if you want it

selles: i got the impression you sorta wanted me to

Me: How do i know that i wont hurt YOU?

selles: i don't usually worry about things like that

Me: Hell, i do

selles: sometimes when you worry about things too much, you don't get the chance to enjoy it

Me: Yes

Me: I know that

Me: Selles?

selles: yeah?

Me: I'm not having second thoughts

selles: good

Me: I've never had second thoughts about us

selles: i haven't either

Me: I just don't want you to feel tied down to me. And i don't want to be selfish

selles: you aren't being selfish

Me: Are you sure?

selles: absolutely positive

Me: And i'm so sorry i scared you

Me: How did i scare you, anyhow?

selles: making it seem like you were having second thoughts

Me: Why did that scare you?

selles: because i really want you

Me: God, i'm sorry

I feel...like such an ass for hurting him. Goddess what is wrong with me? Why do i want to push him away because i want to save him? And saving him from getting into something with me...the most completely unstable person on earth at this moment. I feel so overly dramatized. So unlike myself. Detached, almost. I didn't mean to hurt him. And i know i did. And i want him so badly. Second thoughts are the last thing on my mind. Hell, they aren't even ON my mind. I just don't want to hurt him. And i'm so afraid i will.

what was |what is| what will be

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